No one wants to see that: Some words about pregnant bellies, digital cameras, and why, why, why we do not need to use one to commemorate the other…

I am an extremely vain person.

I do not like it when one little thing about my very messy persona is out of place. That’s right, folks, I work hard at keeping the long locks just messy enough, the jeans just rock-n-roll faded enough, the tops, tshirts, what have you, just “enough” so as to have my very own rock star persona without all the rockstar drama. I do it. You do it. We all do it, think it, become it. I am a rock star in my own mind, which means that like all rock stars, there are certain things that you just do not do. One of those things is you just do not, under any circumstances, show the world your very pregnant belly by posting pics on any social networking website.

Taking pictures and posting them online for the world to see is just…ewww…and the fact of the matter is that you really don’t need more attention. I am sorry, but I have yet to meet a mother-in-waiting who is happily fat, happily uncomfortable, happily waiting to pop, because the thing that comes next is all the hormonal unhappiness. My friends can all attest to this – I am extremely vain, but I work hard at it. I am one of those people whose metabolism is akin to a hummingbird. I cannot sit still, and this is what lends to my thinking that we are what we do, and to hell with what we eat. What we eat all ends up as the same thing in the end anyway.

Needing the sort of attention that a pregnant belly draws is just..yikes, and yeah, I know, I know – “you should be proud of your body,” and I am, now that there are no people taking up residence inside of it. There are women who are happily pregnant, like being in that state, and to them I raise my beer-filled glass! Here’s to ya, ladies! However, I really don’t want to see your belly. I have seen enough pregnant and baby-filled bellies in my time to know what one looks like and I really am not interested in seeing yours, not even a little bit. I know the excitement of new life kicking and making life uncomfortable for the woman carrying the child. I know what it is like to wait impatiently for those last few weeks to pass – I know, believe me, I know. I do not want to see your blue-tinged skin, stretched taut and looking much like something that was created for a horror film…

Yeah, I said it – deal with it.

We live in a society that glorifies the body beautiful. The pregnant body is beautiful in its own right, but is not something that I want to see,  probably not something that too many want to see. It is like showing pictures of your kids fresh out of the chute, over and over again, long before we know who they look like. Ladies, when it comes to your bloated self, though we love you and we cannot wait to see what your baby looks like, we really do not want to see you in all your pregnant glory. You look uncomfortably overweight, and we already know that your demeanor leaves  something to be desired – you deserve props. It is not an easy thing to carry another human life inside of you. I know this from experience.

BUT

I really don’t want to see it. MANY people do not want to see it.

Please refrain from showing us your bluish-tinged belly. It is not attractive, and personally, I think you are showing us this because you have some weird and sick need to draw yet more attention that is centered around the belly that is your entire whole world at the moment. Your belly has nothing to do with me, and the truth is that a  social networking site is NOT NOT NOT the place for you to be showing off your …belly.

OK, done bitching now…please stop showing us your belly…thank you…MAPU